Meaning.
It has been a long time since I have written an ounce of something meaningful! Ounce is not even a correct unit to measure words. But, I will pretend to take writer’s liberty over here. All of my writing happens while I am trying to explain my perception of things to someone new and Interesting. Since a couple of weeks, I am being And communicating as and with my same old friends who do not care about my Way of looking at things because that’s how best friends are supposed to be. With you, through thick and Sick. Not while you go through your momentarily passing era of Inconsistent “pretend writer”.
But, Something striked to me, Today. A quote: “So what do we do now, Now that we are happy?”. I desperately wanted to show this to someone in order to have a soul searching Conversation, And thats when, I tried to explain the importance of this quote to someone. Here it goes-
Happiness is this hyped up thing in our minds. We think, It is a state of achievement which is supposed to bring immense Satisfaction from Thereafter. But what we do Upsetting is that we treat happiness more like a destination than a journey. Henceforth, when we finally achieve it, Nothing feels changed, we dont hear or see looming fire crackers or anything. Just like there is a fat chance of us hearing violin playing nearby when we are in love. It is tough luck for that to happen. On a contrary note, If you believe, Being happy is the life crushing part then NO, You are here for a surprise- after passing of that temporary high where we celebrated to nothingness, You feel meaningless and Think, Now what? I was after this one goal and Now I have it and I have moved on from that also, a weird sense of emptiness surrounds you because you have ran out of journey to embark upon because of your focus on reaching happiness, you have avoided other paths of meaningfulness.
Maybe over the due course of time, I will think about it more and would have A long list of Words to use and Even longer list of Sentences to form. But, this today over here, I have come closest to gauging over this topic.
Another line of Topic, I want to throw light on- Is my father asking me to create new memories. To move on from things. From Imitate things I have held so strongly for all they did during my bad times, for being with me during some darker days. I have crunched them to my heart with such force that, Now they are starting to feel suffocating from a third party POV. My father keeps telling me things about the importance of “Living the life you are given”. Along the lines of that You can’t stop living and creating more memories only because the past once have been sucking so far. You can’t be afraid to go out there and start searching for ways to enjoy this one life we are guaranteed as humans. Not to be brandished by the fear Of not Succeeding in making happier Memories. But, To trust the process and See whatever there is to see
To feel whatever there is to feel- Storm, Cold, Hot, everything. In short, He keeps asking me to be brave in his own silence. He keeps asking me to trust and forgive. To not hold on to things and to memories for more than necessary. That, One night comes when even an infant learns to sleep without a security blanket of hers and if A barely functioning Human can do that, Be fearless and Trusting, Then so can a fully grown wise adult.
Maybe, I have taken too long in The process of healing, But how long before one starts to feel okay? One starts to function and cooperate with the process? What is the time frame for me to stop grieving, I don’t know grieving what for? Maybe, I am too used to feeling hurt and being hurt, that it seems like a comfort zone for oozing my moodiness. Maybe, The reason I am Not there yet, Is not because I am not ready, But I have started to think is because, maybe I don’t want to and That’s a powerful reason in itself.
