Belonging
Lately, since a year I have had too much time in my hands. A lot of time can cause brain damage, figuratively. But, I’d believe myself to be partially responsible and hence, I have always tried to Make my time productive in ways which can include, professional and Personal life.
Being a person who constantly reviews self and pledges to improve and enhance, I have spent awful amount of time into increasing my moral grounds which are already sky rocketing. But, its said that be the change you wish to see in the world and that is why, I try beyond the point of exhaustion to be the person I once wanted in my life at a younger stage. A kinder and empathetic version of this world. I am waiting for the moment when I will stop changing and be at an equilibrium for once, But I don’t know how long will that take or if at all I will stop Being a work in progress and accept the flaws I have.
I am realising that all my life, I have been in a hurry. To reach. To achieve. To leave. To live. In some sort of competition against odds and Time. I don’t understand whom am I fooling? How can one be at war against the impermeable and untouchable time. Time which acts like The majesty. How, I, a mere mortal is supposed to overpower this need to be on time always. Everyday. All day.
Giving it a thought, I have come to an inevitable conclusion that This irrevocable need is bigger than just a fight. It is my lack of this feeling one experiences when One fits somewhere. Its called Belonging. To someone. To somewhere. This haste is not about time or crunch but mostly it is about me escaping whichever hellish hole of a place I am in. I have never truly felt as if I just need to be here. Or there. Or anywhere. This flurry I experience is my ability and Attempt at escaping something I find unsettling to be in. To divert and distract. Or maybe to try ane find, Look out for this pleasure called acceptance on both the ways, acceptance of me by the outside world as well as Acceptance of this universe by my insides. It works two ways. Always. 2 hands can clap just like a coin has 2 sides. A well formed human has a pair of legs and hands. Sets of twos. Lack of thereof can lead to what I face everyday.
Even As I am writing this, I am in sort of hurry. As if, I have better things to do at 2 in the morning.
Certain affinity and feeling included is not about seeking validation from the outside world but it is an emotion everyone needs to feel content and whole. In absence of it, What lies is lack of Acceptance that you might as well need this closeness, Presence of denial regarding its importance and looking for belonging while all it needs is for you to reflect upon your insides.
Majorly, what is wrong in finding this Eternal state of belonging in ones own mind and body. Ones own thoughts and State of mind? After all, we do possess this body and since we are taking care of it, It needs to accomodate us and create space for a healthy and accepting mind irrespective of all your social status, Body love, self love, Criminal history and success ratio, Sexual preference . It needs to be unbiased and not pick favourites.
Belonging is and should be ventured in an unconditional way, after all. Without any terms and conditions, otherwise how in the God’s name is it called belonging? Because the perfect part of this whole concept is — Its unquestioning faith and likeness which comes with belonging to someone and to someplace, It can be mentally or physically.
I have never allowed myself to express In the first person while writing here. I refuse to make this form of communication I have with my writing to be about me and my state of mind. I like to project my ideas which are completely not backed by any qualifications in this regard. I have always wanted to write here as a third person but — This topic, is personal and Hence I had to bring narcissistic element into it because “She/you” feels devastatingly painful over “I” and it feels easier when one writes exactly what one needs to hear.
